The planet's last few thousand blue whales gathered around the Greenpeace vessel Rainbow Warrior in the Bering Sea at approximately 9:45 a.m., thanking the activists on board for their good intentions, but also stating that the oceans had become so polluted, they had decided it was simply not worth going on.
"We really appreciate all you've done for us, but now you need to let us die," intoned a 170-ton blue whale through a series of deep and mournful vocalizations. "I swallowed two plastic coolers, a tire, and about a hundred gallons of oil this morning. Is that any way to live?"
The whale reportedly delivered an angry 45-minute speech complaining about the debilitating noise of naval sonar, excruciating collisions with massive ocean vessels, the lack of mates who haven't been tagged for some scientific experiment, depleted sources of krill, and the very high likelihood of getting cancer from the PCBs in the water.
"I know you've been really excited about helping us ever since that whole 'Save the Whales' craze began back in the '70s," the whale said. "But I think we can agree that the past 35 years have basically been a death march, so let's just part ways."
continued at Daily Kos....
